did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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