I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
