Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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