watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
