I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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