the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
