I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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