i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
