You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
