i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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