I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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