my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
