I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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