nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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