oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
