if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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