Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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