She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
