I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
