I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want to make a zoo with you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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