I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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