You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
