it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
