just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
