Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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