Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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