Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
