you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
