so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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