well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
