she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
