Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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