Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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