I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
