After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
