can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
