I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
