somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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