I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
