I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
