Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize