I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
