I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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