I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
