i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
