I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize