Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
