Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
