so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
