your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
