Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
