So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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