If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
