You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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