I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
