What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
