my shit smells like andre
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I enjoy the company of your penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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