dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
