I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
