i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
