This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
