If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
