Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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