i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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