Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
