Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
