Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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